When Squirrels Menace Religious Orders ……….

Coping with a Squirrel Menace

The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist Church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic Church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “When Squirrels Menace Religious Orders ……….

  1. Lam Seneviratne

    The picture at the top to illustrate your article on squirrels is a group of monkeys!

    • BUT can’t SQUIRREL get up {or down} to monkey business? …. And secondly check out ths site: https://www.folly-farm.co.uk/zoo/meet-the-zoo-animals/common-squirrel-monkey/
      It appears that there is an animal species called “Common squirrel monkey
      Found in both the tropical rain and dry forests of South America [and THAT] you’ll go (monkey) nuts over these guys!””

      REASON: A squirrel monkey tail is not prehensile, that means they cannot use it to grab onto things. They use it for balance, nothing more.
      Like humans, squirrel monkeys are diurnal. This means they sleep at night and are most active during the day.
      Squirrel monkeys are considered to be one of the cleverest monkeys due to having a large brain compared to the size of their body.
      They are highly vocal and have around 25-30 different types of call.”

  2. Lam Seneviratne

    I have learnt something about squirrel monkeys. Do all other monkeys have a prehensile tail?

  3. Nimal Dias-Jayasinha

    Very interesting. Thanks

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