One-Upmanship in Riposte …. with An English Bias

Courtesy of Tissa Abeywardene of Kirulapona, Colombo

JFK’S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60’s when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.

De Gaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded “Does that include those who are buried here?


There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and Americans, shortly after a coffee break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying  sarcastically  ‘Have you heard the latest dumb thing Bush has done ‘    He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims   —    What does he intended to do, bomb them ?

A Boeing engineer standing nearby replied in a measured tone:

‘Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people;     they are nuclear powered and can supply
emergency electrical power to shore facilities;     they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day,   they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day,  and they carry a number of helicopters which can be used in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.     We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?’

A Royal Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , England , Canada , Australia and the French Navies.      At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.    Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks when a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, the English learn only English.  He then asked,   ‘Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?’

Without hesitating, the British Admiral replied,

‘Maybe it’s because the Brit’s, Americans, Canadians, Aussie’s, and South Africans,  arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.’


Robert Whiting, an elderly British gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took some time to locate his passport in his carry on.

“You have been to France before, monsieur?”  the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.”

The Englishman replied, ‘The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it..”

“Impossible  —  You English always have to show your passports on arrival in France !”

The English senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look  —  then he quietly explained,  ‘‘Well, when I came ashore at Gold Beach on D-Day in 1944,  to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.”



When De Gaulle resigned as president of France, the British embassy threw a farewell dinner for him and his wife. During the after dinner speeches, one asked Madame De Gaulle what she most looked forward to in returement.

“A penis”

After a long and deathly silence, the president leant towards her. “They say happiness, my dear”.




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