BREAKING NEWS
The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidentialcampaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and “green”energy proponents crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywoodproducer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’thave any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an
Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle
of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a
nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are
caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear
persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps
where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the
Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy
cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping
buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and
Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s.
“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we
become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD’s,
and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their
cell phones.
“I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “After all, how many
art-history majors and gender studies graduates does one country need?
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Editor’s Note: The Canadians do not need a wall. They have the famed Royal Canadian Mounted Police … with or without moose ….. http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/en …. or https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Canadian_Mounted_Police ….
